Monday, March 23, 2026

Into The Mountain Pit - Audrey's Plaza Grief

 

Into the mountain pit, I would like to go. And cover myself with your clothes and take in with me your smell and feel you around me to give me strength. To remind me that you are there for me, but I know it already. I would like to go into the Mountain Pit and dive deep inside its darkness, between the rock and the hard place, in the cold of the Amazon Mountain where there is a storm brewing. I would like to dive and stay there for a while with my tears, my sorrow, my pain, my sadness, my depression, my insecurities, and all that is wrong in this world of ours.

Into the mountain pit, I would like to go. And cover myself with the world and explore the darkness within me, find myself, heal myself, be myself. I know you would like to remind me that you are there for me, but I already know it. You will remind me that I can do this thing called life, and snap out of it, but that is not how it works. I would like to be by myself on this short journey of grief, discovery of letting go of my tears, my sorrow, my pain, my sadness, my depression, my insecurities, and all that is wrong in this world of ours.  Let me go into the mountain pit to be reborn and become the person I used to be, or the person I want to be or letting go of who I was and start anew. This is my journey.

Into the mountain pit, I would like to go. I am not asking for much, just to be alone for one moment in time, with you waiting for me on the other side when I would come out stronger, without of my tears, my sorrow, my pain, my sadness, my depression, my insecurities, and all that is wrong in this world of ours. I can feel myself slowly slipping into the mountain pit with a smile on my face, and the sun shining above but slowly fading as I dive into the pit. It is not death that I seek but a silent moment in my life without hearing about war, human to human violence, poverty, mass shootings, children dying.

It would be difficult to understand my desire to go into the mountain pit, I am not mentally weak, or suffering from a mental breakdown, although it might sound like it. Into the mountain pit, I would like to go without having to set my alarm, do the mundane things, reply to society about responsibility. I would like to sleep until I cannot sleep any more and then slowly waking into the world with a new perspective, more wisdom, rejuvenated from years filled with tears, sorrow, pain, sadness, depression and insecurities.

Let me go into the mountain pit, try to understand me for once and let me be me and do this one thing I wish to do. Into the mountain pit, I would like to go, but I know you won’t let me, because you do not understand my purpose, and not understanding it blinds you from seeing what is there. How I feel that this is what I want just one moment in time to explore the darkness within me, find myself again, heal myself, be myself. I know you have always been there for me, help me to go into the mountain pit, where I would like to go to heal myself, and where hope grows for me to move forward without forgetting that deep within, you continue to be in my life and always be.

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