Sunday, April 15, 2018

Yesterday, Today's Memories

They were twenty for
sixteen left and we still here
going through the motions
that will keep us alive

We will go the bedroom
which is still intact, and look at it
intensively, pensively with
tears in our eyes, and think
I can remember when he was
just a little kid and painted on the wall
and with sad laughter we will
remember him and her 

In the bathroom the toothbrush
remains, the shampoo now untouched
the bar soap still, the curtain with the fish
hanging on the road
our hand will touch it trying to feel
that someone that is no longer there,
with tears in our eyes we will think
how silly, and sadly smile

We will go to the garage
but will not open the door,
afraid to see the hockey sticks
lines up neatly in a row
ready to go

The hockey skates will be hanging
on that nail along with the rest
the equipment back so stinky
and we will remember
how we told him and her 
just wash it man

When we to go the arena
to cheers others
we will have tears in our eyes
go Humboldt Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that she and he are no longer here,
and, we sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
or him scoring goals

Yesterday's, will be today's memories
as we flip through the photo album
of when she was a cheerful child
full of life
and he was only beginning to skate 
and trying to stop the pucks
coming into the net, even at only three
he was a champion we will think,
with tears in our eyes
and we will shake our heads,
and wondering - How this all happened?

We will sink in our beds
trying to comfort one another,
but only briefly we will feel better
as the absence of that person
that we loved once is no longer here
We will blame ourselves
but there is no need, why should we?
After all he wanted to play hockey,
and she wanted to mend the broken muscles
they died doing what they loved
Yeah, that's what we will say
trying to make ourselves feel better

But no, yesterday, today's memories
we will move on with our eyes focus straight ahead
and our memories in the past
because that is all we have now
we will never get over it, no one ever will

We were lucky to have have them
we will think but no, not true
with tears in our eyes
and semi-smiles on our faces
we will comfort one another
trying to make sense of the senseless
trying to comprehend
and think today about yesterday

Go Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that she and he are no longer here
and we sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
or him scoring goals

Yesterday is all we have left
and will fondly and lovely
remember today what happened
at Thanksgiving or the playoffs,
who scored what goal
and that save that make our
goalie number one,
and our team victorious

Yesterday, today's memories





Monday, April 2, 2018

We Fell on Our Beds

And we fell on our beds
tired and exhausted
after long weeks of teaching
going from one site to the next,
or just not going anywhere 
but working like a horse,
no, worse than a horse, I would say

We fell on our beds
after endless working group meetings
sometimes discussion all those JIRA tickets
and other times asking shall we escalated, who can decision
there is no quorum to make a decision
who should we call?...oh man we are doom!

And we fell on our beds
after countless hours designing working books
to teach people how to use the system,
and, what it seemed infinite pointless discussions on
content, language, policy, med rec
ED and Trauma, and so much more

When that Good Thursday came along
that was the day when it all changed,
after long meetings, going to CCOAT
or CSC or maybe Providers, with
Nursing to no end in sight, and Pharmacy 
with discussion of things missed;
we left with brains made of jelly
or totally toast of too much thinking

It was a "Good Thursday", oh yes sweet Thursday
came to us just in the nick of time
to save us from insanity after
twelve hour days, cut over and such;
organizing meeting, GoToMeeting not working,
Confluence just doing its thing, and JIRA just
creating tickets and tickers, the line up is infinite
Where is the coffee god - dammit?!

Yes, it was a "Good Thursday" Oncology changing this meeting
and that other one, contact Dr so and so, if not available
call the other one, you know who; changing Tcons
room numbers, revising documents, drafting minutes,
cancelling meeting, listening to others chatting, how was the
week, "oh gosh I'm dead" someone would say, just like the rest of us
And with that at the end of the day
we fell on our beds with eyes wide opened thinking
on that piece of code we cannot figure out

The word of the week was"crazy" and everyone took note,
I can't tell one day from the other people whispered
There are no rooms to meet to boot, so the kitchen would do
projecting on the walls to get it all, just right.
The Communications team earnestly working their
magic words into communication plans and that
Declaration of System for Patient Care, it's just a doozy!
And with those thoughts we fell on our beds

We forward one hour last month, the days go faster it feels
but no it is the same amount of time, it just we have so much
to do, 
but we don't think, we just do
We go on, writing policy, typing new documents, creating
user guides, pushing the WOWs around the hallway to make
sure all is properly working and ready to go;
and, after trying and fixing ,we left satisfied
That night we fell on our beds exhausted

After jobs well done, congrats here and there,
celebrating someone's birthday, thanking those that
need to be thanked, recognizing work where it was due
or learning that someone is leaving, the week just got harder,
to say the least! 

But we went on for that one week specially,
after months of desperate attempts to fix the unfix-able,
logging JIRA Support tickets to unlock that SUD schedule,
and braking all the formulas on that complex tracking sheet
We went home with our problems in our heads and
fell on our beds with heavy hearts

This week was harder than any other, with that Je ne sais quoi
feeling in the gut that made us cried the other day
Our patience reaching the limits, 
we blame ourselves I should have done that, I know I should have but we didn't,
and with the door kicking us behind, literally we went home
with embedded frustrations on every part of our body,
we fell on our beds, incapacitated

But on that Thursday...
We went home - we really did
And let it all go, drank and ate with gusto
and proud of a hard week's work, and grins in our eyes
we fell on our beds and thank the gods for this so much
needed respite, to give us the energy to keep on going

Oh yes, it was a "Good fall in our beds"

Monday, December 25, 2017

Where are you brother?

Where are you brother?
Where is that man that I used to know
but that now it seems I don't know
where is that man, so gently and courteous
that could do anything for anyone but himself?

Where have you gone?
it seems i cannot find you anymore
I look deep inside the recess of my mind
to find little answers but none concrete
where have you gone?

I remember a childhood boy that I grew up with
so loving, caring and always on the go
that boy that protected me when I was scare
and calmed me down when I was crying
because a drunk man was banging down the door
Where are you brother?

You grew up and became a man way too fast
with the responsibilities that a child
should never have nor the loneliness that
this brought to your heart.

I looked into your heart and you still there
deep into the veins and running wild
still you but not you anymore
something's change and you are no more
Where are you brother?

Where are you brother?
I don't recognize you anymore
even with a child of your own
you are not the person I once knew
where have you gone?

Where are you brother?
please come back to us
bring the spirit of that boy closer
to your heart
be the man that you used to be
because, I recognized you no more

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

In the Rain

In the rain she walked
umbrella by her side
and rain pouring down her face
through the holes in her hat.

She walked around in circles
at times she would stand still
and then move again in the direction she came from
with no real direction.

In the rain she walked
umbrella by her side
and rain pouring down her body
through her ragged clothes.

She walked to the entrance of the mall
and opened the door without going in,
but others went in without even saying
thank you,
but she smiled and let the door go
and left.

In the rain she walked
umbrella by her side
and rain pouring down her face
from her beautiful blue eyes
surrounded by her blondish
dirty hair.

She sat on a wet bench talking to herself
pointing here and there, people passing by
ignoring her pleas, laughing at her
she ignored them completely and laughed at times
just talking to herself.

She mumbled a word here and a word there
not really making sense to those who wanted to help
she wave to someone in the distance
an imaginary figure that she saw
blowing kisses in the air
to that someone she might have known,
and that we would never know.

In the rain she walked
wobbling from one side to the other
umbrella open
and rain kept pouring on her
through the empty umbrella spikes
that she had carried by her side.

In the rain she walked
disappearing in the distance
to never be seen again
as it a ghost had just passed us
sending a chill through our bones
thanking our lucky stars
that we were not her.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

If I Wasn't Afraid

If I wasn't afraid
The world would be my oyster
I would do whatever I wanted
whenever I wanted

The fear keeps me off
whatever it is in my mind
my inner spirit
and the hunger in my soul

If I wasn't afraid
the world would be my oyster
I would do whatever I wanted
whenever I wanted

If I wasn't afraid
I would write a book about my adventures
life, other people and my travels
around the world and more

If I wasn't afraid
I will tell the world to stop for day
and imagine life without war, hunger, and
over-powerful people

If I wasn't afraid
the world would be my oyster
I would do whatever I wanted
whenever I wanted

I I wasn't afraid
I would leap from the cliff
into the ocean
and fly to the skies
in my armour suit
and conquer the world

It is fear that keep us
off track
and only the brave
venture into the unknown
with eyes wide open
ears alert
heart pumping to the max
but no without being afraid
for if they were not afraid
they would not know
the limits of their own self
and their power

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Trials and Tribulations

Three years have passed
since they first met
fell in love and got married
to live happily ever after.
But nobody could have predicted
the unfortunate future 
the lives will become,
both successful and beautiful
and in love it seemed,
but it was all,
a farce.

They were so well rehearsed
all the steps in place
roles learned to a tee
so there was no doubt that, 
it was just an act.

They intertwined together
like no others
their future hung on a thin thread
so thin, it was hard to see
others got involved to solve the problem
except the man, at the center of the fight.

With her trial and tribulations she went into the wild
to confront her fears in the jungle
but there were no answers or solutions
to her dilemma.
The branches of the trees
were too twisted within; it was hard to find
the beginning or the end,
let alone the path that led her there.

She found a trail that led to nowhere,
this was the end and the entrance to the sea.

The water ever so calming with its soft splashing on the shore
she sat by the water to think
and then her feet walked in, she was sure.
She swam steadily with her beautiful wedding gown,
she looked like a swan, gliding through the water
her arms moving like an angel's wings took her deeper
and away from the shore,
her eyes fixed on the blue sky with the sun shining
hitting her face and brightening the tears rolling
down the side of her eyes.
She continued to swim, the waves getting stronger
her arms softly moving
the waves hitting higher and her head just above the water.

She followed the sun somehow
and there was a smile on her face 
peace in her heart she will win and put an end to this nonsense.
The sky was no longer blue but grey and dark
she was still smiling
she lifted her head, the shore now far away
there were people now standing there waving their arms,
perhaps calling her to come back
someone was in the water, perhaps trying to reach her
but she kept on, angelically gliding through with 
total resolute.

A higher wave came that took her under, she struggled a little
but kept on going, her heavy dress taking its toll now
pulling her under ever so fast
she was scare, eyes wide open, and smoothly gliding 
she could hear her heavy breathing and felt her lips shivering
She lifted her head again only to see the horizon
she smiled with the satisfaction of her success.
She will win.

The sky so dark and ominous now, panic entered in her scene
but she continued, her body now totally under, arms still moving
softly with no strength, the end was near
she was tired, not just from fighting with the ocean but of life
and the farce it was   
all coming to an end washing her under
like an eddy pulling, and a voice calling.
Down she went, trying not to fight in the dark waters of the ocean.
All her fears, panic, sadness, and destruction gone below the sea
it was all over.