I too have suffered

I too have suffered
the loss of a loving man
the loss of my precious joy in life
I too have suffered
two lives terminated
so innocently and so tragic
the story of our lives
that ended way to soon
I too have suffered
My little baby P is gone
my loving partner Jean Michel too
they live with me every day
and every night
their images remain in my mind
and in my dreams
I too have suffered
I see his smile every day
and hear the strong heartbeat
I imagine the smile I could have seen
that is now gone
it has been gone for a while
So do not think I know
nothing
about pain
because
I too have suffered
I've endured rejection
after rejection more than I could possibly
want, but I keep on going
because there is no turning back
I too have suffered
I have been discarded and unwanted
like a piece of trash
I thrive and strive everyday
to be a better person
and be the best that I can be
and
I too have suffered
but I give relentlessly and without conditions
I give with no reservations
I love entirely no matter who or what
or when
I live because I am here
and my joys aren't
I choose to live everyday
for those who are still here
I too have suffered
but give tribute to the fallen
Little P & Jean Michel
everyday I pray for you
because you live with me
and will continue living with me
tucked away in the core of my heart
in the depths of my being
enthralled in my soul
I too have suffered
At times life is unbearable knowing
that you will not come back
at times it feels
like an ocean of emptiness
but then I remember
that I am
not alone
even though
I too have suffered

The End

How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
I am grateful for those words
but emptiness remains
deep in my heart you stabbed me
with a dagger
so deep that my heart bleeds
every time I breath
My lungs intoxicated with your love
that one you refuse to give me
or do not want to get
why? I ask myself
it would not be the first time
that I hear beautiful and hurtful words
all encompassed in one sentence
You want me in your life
but at a distance where you feel comfortable
every time, you have come back to me
time after time, again and again
we make love, we laugh, we share intimate moments
we talk, we love one another
but only one of us means it
and feels it
Is it you or me?
How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
You tell me beautiful words
and love them all, but what
is at the end of that tunnel
nothing, nobody waiting for me
while you have your whole life
waiting ahead
You say you love me but don't really
mean it
you care for me, and I can see it
but you deny it to yourself and I
I have loved you for the longest time
but it is time to stop
so this is the end

Pretender

Here you are again
making promises
pretending that life is great
when it is not
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
but not my liking at all
you can play charades all you want
but do not pretend to care
when you don't
it is so easy to see
you are as transparent like the air
everyone can see through and beyond
you can escape but you can hide
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
you are a pretender
you want to be grand but you can't
you want to be swift but you're rough
you want to be smooth but are rude
you want to love but it just slides by
your words are meaningless most of the time
be careful where you step-in
there could be a landmine
a landmine planted by you
which you will never recognize
if it hit you in the face
stop pretending and live life
because once you get out
there will no one waiting
behind
and stop pretending that you care
when you don't even give
a dam

One

Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon he could not see anything
only blurred images came
and went
his balance was a bit off
but he took the key anyway,
he drove home intoxicate
veer here and there
off the road at times
the key still in his hand
the wheel rolling left to right
right to left and center
nothing could stopped him
there was no reasoning
in his inebriated brain
his thoughts were submerged
deep down at the bottom
in the dark were the sharks swim
and no stars shine.
At times he disappeared
hours, days, weeks
but he was always found
in the garbage dump
on a street corner,
in someone's house
but he always came back.
He was a drunk
once, twice, three times
even more
but he was a good man
even when his thoughts
were not clear and his
speech was a slur
Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon the bottle was empty
so was his life
he was a drunk
who thought he could only
take one
but we knew otherwise