Last Days

From the moment he was reborn

he knew his destiny

it was not life itself, but

the end of it

Amongst his many accomplishments

he put his life together

stop drinking, was a good father

provided and loved deeply

he really loved deeply

He painted, he composed, and wrote

he drove across the bridge to showcase

his work, along the company of his son

who faithfully, look after him and helped him

He loved his son's faithfulness, but wanted

him to be free, to live his life, to move on.

He provide encouragement, but the son

continue to be by his side, always

His daughter too, keep an watchful eye

over him "papi, te amo mucho" she would tell him

and he would smile, kiss her forehead 

and hug her, as if it was the last time

But, when the end came

he was ready, he didn't complaint

he lived fully, even then;

he didn't resign or gave up

he just knew, that time had come

and he said "I am ready"

And on the last day of his life

he stayed at home in the loving

company of the woman that always loved him

care for him, and duly helped him always,

that is all he wanted, to be there with her

their loving children and others

Far in the distance, we prayed

we sent him messages

dedicate songs to him, that he knew,

our love was so much more intense

and he knew it, deep in side

Even when the last days were here, 

he smiled and peacefully

faded into the clouds

to live with his creator

the love of his life

Fickle

I always wonder, what is happening - upstairs,
There must be jumbled thoughts
scattered ideas, who know the circles being drawn
swirling around in your head

It is sticky here, I can feel it
she came in last night, while I was sleeping
she sprayed the whole place with sticky, stuff
why is she doing this to me?

I've tried to put myself on those shoes of yours
but seem not to be able to
it is hard to think how, I can possibly think like that
what is happening there my friend, I asked
there is a blank look in your eyes
the question you cannot comprehend

Unaware of your mental illness, you conjure thoughts
make false memories, see things that aren't there
it must be so hard to be inside your mind
and the thoughts reeling one after one
not making sense, invading your mind

So fickle is your mind, but fickler are your thoughts
you can't seem to make up your mind
it must be difficult to be inside your head
there must be jumbled thoughts
scattered ideas, broken visions,
inside your head

There is a movie playing in my head, you say
it goes on and on, it never stops
I don't know how to make it stop
it is just there, right here you point to a place in your head
and then shake your head
"I don't know, I don't know" you say
and look at me with a stare

I am not sick she says,
it is you who is sick
I don't need medication
it is YOU who need it
I'm TOTALLY fine
I'm not CRAZY

She came in and took my notes
while I was in the shower
I was so close to catching her, but I was too late
she must have a camera inside
to see when I go out
then the note is found
"oh she put it back where I left it
just to bother me and confuse me"

My table of 16 years is all worn-out
she put a chemical on it, and ruined it!
She is crazy, not normal, she needs medication
I'm fine, I'm NOT CRAZY
this is my story and it is all true
I know myself

So fickle is your mind, but fickler are your thoughts
you can't seem to make up your mind
it must be difficult to be inside your head
there must be jumbled thoughts
scattered ideas, broken visions,
inside your head

Picking Through

I laid on the grass at the park,

I fell asleep and dreamt.

The world was still here

unchanged, even peaceful 

the colours of nature so vivid

the sky of a blue summer hue

the sun shining and warm high above

people mingling

life was living

Then, still in my dream
a dark cloud appear far away
but quickly approaching
we stood still for one second
watching attentively, of what was coming
we had heard rumor of the cloud
but never thought we would ever see it
We stayed where we had been standing
the cloud taking over
passing over our heads like a gigantic space ship,
clouds clashing in thunder
swiftly moving across the sky
there was, no rain

Then, we looked at the horizon
the blue sky was turning
white cotton clouds sweeping earth
pushing the black cloud away
the sun rays flashing down to earth
bringing life

I woke-up with my hand over my face
unsure if I had been dreaming
I laid there paralyzed
afraid to open my eyes. 
I could hear children's laughter,
people talking, playing games perhaps
still unsure and afraid, but with courage
I picked through my fingers
yes, the horrible pandemic that hit us all,
some, worse than others was gone
it all have been a dream
I felt the sun on my legs
and the blue sky appeared
brushed by soft clouds
and nature vibrant
life is living

Today, I Remember

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
the ones that survived
the ones that never came home

When the twelve salute guns are fired
I remember,
that lives were given for our freedom
that men and women volunteered
to end the evil that had been created
and the chaos that seemed, 
never ending

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
the ones that survived
the ones that never came home

Today, I remember
that 75 years ago, 
the struggle to end the struggle
ended
thousands of lives were lost
but the struggle was won, nevertheless

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
The ones that survive
the ones that never came home

When the fighter jets fly high above in the sky
I remember,
and I bowed my head
and with tears streaming down my cheeks
I say thank you
for all the sacrifices that were made
to give me freedom

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
the ones that survived
the ones that never came home

I remember, that lives were lost
in that moment of silence
where only the Post plays
the sound of sorrow
and sadness

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
the ones that survived
the ones that never came home

Today, I remember
not only those that fought for freedom, but
all those citizens that also lost their lives
imprisoned in camps and send on the train
to their final death destination
and we will never know
the feared and uncertainty that went
through their minds

Today, I remember
I remember the fallen
the ones that survived
the ones that never came home
let's we never forget

Sour Candy Strip

I was not quite sure at the beginning,

I was in the candy store

jars, boxes and containers filled with colour

there was sugar in the air

that's for sure

I walked aisle by aisle looking,

impatiently looking for my sweet

delicious, scrumptious, beautiful

colourful, superb and magical

sour strip candy

I saw it and took a strip

put in my hand and smelled it

sugar oozing from each vain of colour

hmmm mouth watering goodness

I could not contained myself,

I put it in my mouth

it felt like I had been shot up to the sky

I felt magically floating in the air,

there was mellon, lemon and strawberries in this line

I took another

another ecstatic moment

filled with sourness, my salivary glands

working extra hard

filling my mouth with delicious sugar

this time  there was lime, mango and peach

this was IT

I remember seeing fireworks

bursting above my head

even when my eyes were closed

it was the most

wonderful experience of my life

I was not quite sure at the beginning,

I was in the candy store

jars, boxes and containers filled with colour

there was sugar in the air

that's for sure

and just like that,

I fell in love

with this magical and magnificent

sour candy strip

IT Came

It was closer to Spring
we heard about it
but never thought it would come
to pay us a visit, but
IT did

We were asked to stay home
so we did
Some went back to the front-lines
courageously to risk their lives to save others
and uncertain the outcomes

Messages of encouragement were sent,
to keep our spirits up
because we were sad
we felt lonely, we felt torn apart
we were distant, truly distant

It was closer to Spring
we heard about IT
but never thought it would come
to pay us a visit, but
IT did

Spring day came, the sun rose high in the sky
we went running, walking or grocery shopping
but only when needed
still confined to our homes
we felt blessed to still have each other,
to lean on

There in the distance I felt resilience
in those very uncertain times
when we had no answers
of when, how long, why
IT had come

We were asked to stay home
so we did
Some went back to the front-lines
courageously to risk their lives to save others
and uncertain of the outcomes

In the midst of the uncertainty
we feel blessed for all that we have
and hopeful that this too shall pass
and we feel grateful for all that we have,
however small it is

Our center of gravity was shifted
from sure to uncertainty
but courageously we wait for the cure
we are extremely blessed for all that we have,
and, amidst uncertainty we are hopeful
for a better future and remain grateful 
and positive that this too shall pass

IT was COVID-19

Thank you!

It all ended at the bridge

It was their anniversary
They decided on a dinner date at seven
off they went, hand in hand
kisses were exchange, laughs and flirtatious glances
All was in place as he had planned

Dinner was amazing
The truffle mushrooms to die for
the lobster unforgettable to say the least
The champagne and white wine superb,
And what a magnificent dessert,
The bill was pricey but it was worth it

They went out on the chilly night
holding each other, arm in arm
they stopped at the corner of Robson and Denman
they glanced at each other and kissed,
a warm hug exchanged
smiles were plentiful

They walked towards the park
The skylight illuminated by the city lights
and the reflection of the docked boats was incredible
She has a different skip on her step
more lively and happier
her face radiated with love;
this is why I fell in love, he thought,
a smile appeared on his lips

The water softly touching the wall
Its sound soothing and calming
and suddenly as if fort he first time
there in the distance their final destination appeared

They have been here, many times
her heart skipped a bit and nervously she laughed,
They looked at each other, he pull her in
“Let’s keep on walking. It’s a beautiful night” he said

They reached the bridge,
ten years they had been together
he was nervous and so was she
the expectation was great
will he propose this time? she wonder
how will she react? he ponder

They reached middle of the bridge
they stood there admiring the lights
the cargo ships illuminated like Christmas trees
idle in the water, waiting for their turn to dock
“So, what was is that you wanted to talk about?” She asked
her voice shaking with excitement, the wind blowing on her hair
her nose red from the chilled air.
He took her in his arms
hugged her and took a deep breath
“I don’t think we can be together anymore”, he said
She fell to the ground, he tried to catch her but she slipped
“I’m sorry”, he said
She stunned yelled at him “leave, before I say the unthinkable”

He walked away slowly with his head down as if defeated
He heard her cried
“Good-bye Mathew!” she managed to yell
he turned around, she was standing on the rail
he ran to stopped her, but it was too late
and just like that,
it all ended at the bridge

In Your Eyes

In your eyes
I saw happiness and sadness
but also deep pain and suffering
to long to be keeping it in

Your eyes told me I need help
I want to connect 
I need love and trust
but mostly I need you to listen

In your eyes
I saw the thinking going up above
going into the inner circles of your life, 
drilling deep within those trap memories
that bring so much pain

In your eyes
I saw the tears falling down my cheeks
but I also felt the love you could give
without even asking one single time

In your eyes
I saw natural understanding between you and I
no one else but you and I
thinking without thinking
appreciating each other, as we are

Your eyes told me, I need help
I want to connect
I need love and trust
but mostly I need you to listen

In your eyes 
I saw happiness and sadness
but also deep and pain and suffering
to long to be keeping it in

"The eyes are the windows to the soul"
goes the saying and so true it is
I looked into the window and saw chaos
pain, loss, happiness, suffering and understanding

In your eyes, I saw you!
standing face to face
sharing that one moment
one single moment capture in time
by you and I, but never to be shared again

In your eyes
I saw the pain and suffering within
the window is open now
let the air get in and capture it
fly away in the cloud above the sky and dream,
but never forget, that we are here today
connected between ocean and the mountains
sharing this one moment in time
that we'll never get back
and your eyes told me, it is OK
it is time!

Good-Bye

It was once a beautiful thing
it grew from the unknown
and from the ashes it rose
like a flame into the spring air

Texts were exchanged
coffee meetings arranged
family visits organized
dinners were had

Laughter was always present
trials and tribulations discussed
long time memories gone by shared,
hope was always there

Hugs were given
gifts were bought and given
precious memories were created
and today that's all, they were

We waited for miracles
sending resumes here and there
typos were corrected and formatting re-framed
and counsel given to become the best

A miracle happened after so many tries
an opportunity was given and taken
assurances were given that work will get done
anything for this one opportunity

People loved you but I loved you the most,
you changed so much, I hardly recognized you
that woman I once knew, it has disappeared
you're needy and cry all the time 

Our friendship was torn to pieces
all scattered here and there
intertwined words were said 
you want to be right and so do I
but for sure one of us, isn't

In attempt to mend the broken pieces
another coffee was had, tears shed, hugs given
but the magic ended when guilt was introduced
and blame put at the for front of this magical moment
"If I succeed you will be the reason" you said, and then
"If I failed it will be your fault" those were the spoken words
and like a dagger, they went straight to my heart

But it is OK, and today I bid you good-bye
with tears shed and true relief in my heart
because the burden is no longer mine
but yours and only yours, alone

Yesterday, Today's Memories

They were twenty four,
sixteen left and we still here
going through the motions
that will keep us alive

We will go the bedroom
which is still intact, and look at it
intensively, pensively with
tears in our eyes, and think
I can remember when he was
just a little kid and painted on the wall
and with sad laughter we will,
remember them

In the bathroom the toothbrush
remains, the shampoo now untouched
the bar soap still, the curtain with the fish
hanging on the rod
our hand will touch it trying to feel
that someone that is no longer there,
with tears in our eyes we will think
how silly, and sadly smile

We will go to the garage
but will not open the door,
afraid to see the hockey sticks
lined up neatly in a row
ready to go

The hockey skates will be hanging
on that nail along with the rest,
the equipment bag so stinky,
and, we will remember
how we told them
just wash it man!

When we to go the arena
to cheers others
we will have tears in our eyes
go Humboldt Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that they are no longer here,
and, we'll sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
and him scoring goals

Yesterday will be today's memories,
as we flip through the photo album
of when she was a cheerful child
full of life;
and he was only beginning to skate 
and trying to stop the pucks
coming into the net, 
even at only three
he was a champion we will think,
with tears in our eyes
and we will shake our heads,
and wondering - How this all happened?

We will sink in our beds
trying to comfort one another,
but only briefly we will feel better
as the absence of that person
that we loved once is no longer here
We will blame ourselves
but there is no need, why should we?
After all he wanted to play hockey,
and she wanted to mend the broken muscles
they died doing what they loved
Yeah, that's what we will say
trying to make ourselves feel better

But no, yesterday, today's memories
we will move on with our eyes focus straight ahead
and our memories in the past
because that is all we have now
we will never get over it, no one ever will

We were lucky to have have them
we will think but no, not true
with tears in our eyes
and semi-smiles on our faces
we will comfort one another
trying to make sense of the senseless
trying to comprehend
and think today about yesterday

Go Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that she and he are no longer here
and we sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
or him scoring goals

Yesterday is all we have left
and will fondly and lovely
remember today what happened
at Thanksgiving or the playoffs,
who scored what goal
and that save that make our
goalie number one,
and our team victorious

Yesterday, today's memories