Cancer

it was a well kept secret
she suffered in silence
never telling a soul
her eyes looked a bit sad
but who could have guessed
what she was going through
not I nor you
but she kept on living
as there was no other choice,
she lived in the corner apartment
she always smiled, we talked
in the elevator, elevator words
we smiled at each other
and i never knew
she never spoke and i rarely saw her
anymore
one day she came
with tears in her eyes
pulling her hair
it was falling on her hands
in pieces, chunks, strands,
nobody knew but her
she could not keep it anymore
the secret so secretly kept
in the corner apartment
where she lived alone
then she confessed
they found something in my breast
it was a lump, something that belong
but not there
they took it out now my hair is
falling out
i can't eat, i feel sick all the time
what should I do?
then she changed but I'll be fine
she said with tears rolling down her cheeks
dripping at the bottom of her chin
running down the ridges of her mouth
drops got into her mouth
she swallowed them hard
her lips shiver, and she trembled
she was scared
the fear in her eyes
could not be denied
her hair was falling out
and she was falling apart,
she laughed hard and cried
harder
it was a well kept secret
she suffered in silence
never telling a soul
her eyes looked a bit sad
but who could have guessed
what she was going through
not I nor you
but she kept on living
she continue to cry
and I stood there
not knowing what
to do
she fell down on her knees
clutching my knees in her
despair
she begged me to help her
there was nothing I could do
but to console her
she cried forever, it seemed
tears rolling down her face
waterfalls of pain
her body was an earthquake
in rage
her voice an erupting volcano,
her life became an infinite sea
into which she slowly drowned
the beast was too strong
stronger than anyone imagined
she used all the life savers given
even thrown at her
she row row and row for miles
thousand of miles
she swam day and night, night and day
into the Black Sea
of despair, there was no salvation
she fought the battle but lost
CANCER took her away
and just like that she left
RIP my good friend

The Wall

It is just there, waiting
it stands there, night and day
day and night, all year long
rain sleekly runs down it
it washes away the foot prints
the fingerprints, hand prints
the chalk marks left behind
then snow swiftly sticks to it
all winter long
it waits lonely under the white covers
it is just there, waiting
it stands there, night and day
day and night, all year long
Spring comes and washes away, the dirt
from it
all tucked in under the snow
it melts the blanket away
the running waters makes it sleek again
it is slippery, and still lonely
lonely for the longest time from Winter to Spring
sometimes even longer
it awaits to be taken
again
it waits to be caress by strong hands
it stands there exposed to all
again
we love it when the sun comes up
and we are able to take it once more
it is a thrill to be with her again
a reunion of sorts
she brings excitement to me and many
some are even addicted to her
but I am just a beginner but I love her
she thrills me and scares me, at times
she is the rock that stands alone
waiting to be taken and conquered
it is the wall
waiting to be climb

Moving Day

Moving day
someone said is like giving birth
it is exciting
the venture of something new
new curtains, new walls, new paint
perhaps a new pan, a new table
a new lamp
who knows
but all you know is that
after all the excitement
the work begins
and you are tired
exhausted even
all you want to do is, sleep
it is painful to move
from here to there
you packed all you needed
all that you possessed and left
the old to the new
a new beginning in life
moving is like giving birth
because even though
you carry no human in you
your back aches
your legs swell, the heat gets to you
and all you want to do at the end
of the day is to sit and rest
moving day is like giving birth
it is painful
it is bothersome
it is just like giving birth
it is moving day

Risen

I always knew that you would

risen from the depths of your life
the death life that took you
to depths you didn't know existed

you have risen

with a new found freedom
a new outlook in life

a humbleness probably never experienced

a new knowledge
something new
all has been forgiven
and all in mind but forgotten

there are pains and scars

physical, emotional, mental
your heart was broken

by your own hand and doing.

it has been a long road
and well traveled even if in pain
new places discovered

people came and went, mostly went

but you remained
you fought, you denied, you accepted
now you say thank you
I am sorry, I love you

you have risen

John Doe

I met him one day
while I was reading on a bench
in a warm Summer day
he sat beside me and said hello
I look at him, smile and replied back
he asked my name
I asked his name, he said my name is John
we talked lively for a while
he talked about his life
and discovered a bit about mine,
everyday after that I sat on the same bench
reading my book, under the Sun
till the sunset at times
he came by most days
some others I missed him or I him
but we always saw each other
from time to time
John talked about waiting for love
his first love ever in life
he was already old when I met him
seventy-nine I think he said
he was gentle, he was kind
and he made me laughed
then we laughed together
he could never remember my name
nor where I am from and he always asked
but I always remember his name John
I missed him at times without even knowing him
John Doe he came to be
I met him in the supermarket the other day
his eyes shone at my sight
and a grin grew across my lips
he extended his hand and shook mine
so gentle, yet strong
he asked my name again
and I said hello John
he was surprised
he asked again where I was from
just like every time
I realized that nothing had changed
he was still John Doe
with a fading memory and a gentle touch
he faded slowly with time
and kept waiting forever
for his first love
he was John Doe
who always made me smile
and who always forgot my name
but never forgot
my face

I love you

Every morning I saw your
big beautiful blue eyes
and every morning you woke me up
with a big kiss on the cheek
the sweetest kiss ever
the most wonderful smile in the world
and the most wonderful words
I love you, when I finally opened my eyes
Then we play together
you smiled, talked faster than you can
yawned and talked still, all at the same time
you hug me under the blankets
your soft and delicate skin so close
and warm
the sweetest kiss ever
the most wonderful smile in the world
and the most wonderful words
I love you, when I finally opened my eyes
You are sweet
your lips are soft on my cheek
your hugs are so hard and full of love
your eyes filled with contempt at times
but always love
your hair flows freely with the wind
you are fierce and adventurous
daring at time, but such a girly girl
I love you too
I love you with all my heart
thank you for being so sweet
and for loving me the way you do
I love you Zoe Rae for all you do

Transformed

You've changed me
all you have done to me
all that I've been through
all the pain I have felt
the sadness that has taken me
down
all the hurt is gone now it is time
to move
on
finally, I have let everything go
I have forgiven
and I cried many tears to get
rid of the pain
I've been transformed at all levels
in my life
you have been part of it
and I
thank you
because in the depths of my soul
I have found happiness
within myself
in my heart I have found
a spot for me
to live fully and enjoy life
to care about all I care about
and to love fully from
inside and out
I feel a glow in my heart
My mind is clearer than it has
never been
It is all true
I have been transformed
by me
I can see the sun shining
high above
I see the moon glowing
in the darkness of the sky
I feel a glow in my heart
and life is all easy
It is all true
I have been transformed
by me

My Angel

Marie-Helene, my angel
a woman of truth
a woman of beauty
my love, my life, my existence
you made me smile
you make me cried now
but in my heart you will always, be
even if not in body, I know in spirit
you are and will be for ever
life continues on and I know
you would want me to go on with life
I often speak of you or all the time
everything in my life
brings memories of you
and you still make me smile
and then I feel like crying
you are in my dreams
at times I wish you weren't
I carry your picture in my wallet
and look at it every now and then
but your face is vivid in my mind
and forever engraved in my heart
Your avocado salad was the best
and nobody will ever recreate it, not even
me
there were days when we slept all day
those were our lazy days
I held you in my arms and we talked
only getting out of bed when we had to
I am destroyed, devastated, broken,
shattered, weaken by you
My life is in disarray, without a path
there are no frontiers ahead
nothing to look forward to, only emptiness
I pace from here to there without a destination
I drive aimlessly in no specific direction
I live because I am alive, but not really alive
I don't know what to do with my life
please guide me, tell me where I should go
when, how to get there
why did you leave, when we had just began
you were my beginning and my end
I wish I would be dead, anything would be better
than living without you
I am destroyed, devastated, broken,
shattered & weaken by you
I don't know what to do with my life
please guide me, tell me where I should go
when, how to get there
why did you leave, when we had just began

Gone

I cried for you
a million tears or more
I cried so much
my fountains are dry
you left me without noticed
just like that and took it all
the love
I wanted from you, all gone now
you even took our little gift
our bundle of joy with you
you left me all by myself
in this world
I wish I could tell you again
how much I love you and want you
how much I miss you, but you know that
all I want now is your spirit in my life
to guide me in this world
where I feel so naked
so alone
I am scared of the future
of life without you
but I know I most go on
even without you
why did you leave?
Now, I most start again
with my shattered life
I will pick up the pieces
when I am ready
it will be a long time
before I let you go
and even though I will never
have you again
I know you will be with me for a while
for as long as I need you
I cried for you
a million tears or more
I cried so much
my fountains are dry
you left me without noticed
and just like that
you were
gone

Forever in love

I will be forever in love
with you and no one else
you stole my heart
since the first moment
I saw you
you did too, fall for me
at the same time
it took me by surprise
and you too
and forever I will love you
you are the light of my life
the beacon that keeps me afloat
and guides me through the night
you got lost
but found your way
to me
and
I deviated from that life
and continue on another path
without you
but thought of you every day
and wondered many times
what you were doing
now, you are only in my dreams
and we go on with life
in different paths
it doesn't have to be this way
but it is
unless you are willing
to fight
for what you feel

is forever love