Grief

What is grief?
It is a pain so deep
you have no idea where it begins
or ends
The dictionary gives you a description
but it cannot be compare
nothing makes it better
But
the company and support of
family and friends
We all grieve together
but alone
We all cry in unison
some openly, others in silence
all encompasses grief
Grief
a word so small yet so big
its meaning is brief yet prolonged
five simple letters
to describe pain, solace, despair,
unimaginable ache, heart wrenching,
tears, words of pain, sorrow, more pain
the list goes on and on
Where and when does IT stop?
Grief
IT never ends but IT subsides
and questions remain

Memory

I cried for you
with all my heart and soul
even though I didn't know you
at all
I saw you at sleep
in a well trim suit
your hands carefully folded
in front of you
you are inert forever
in time
My love for you was
endless
millions of hopes
remained unfulfilled
yet
I still loved you
There was a face to you
but now it has disappear
now you are just a
memory
in the sea of my life
you are gone
and yet
I never received
the answers
I wanted to
hear
all that you were
it is
now
just a
memory
in my head

the place to be

I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off
but not without getting
a ginger, cranberry, orange scone too
and later on some rain and wind
because we never got enough
Whistler was sunny the other day
and the blue sky shone away
bearing the mountain tops
for us to see
I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off
Granville Island is the spot
sitting at a table by the marina
surrounded by hungry gulls and pigeons
and a surprise squirrel too
who took a piece of my baguette away
I guess it wanted to taste
the prosciutto too
while tipping delicious wine on my lap
it was a sunny and crisp morning
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off
if you want to reminiscent
Granville Island is the spot to be

Still Linger

Your breath still lingers

here, there, everywhere

where we were and have been

in the city part of you remains

I see you in my dreams

I feel you in me

Your pain remains in my heart

Your tears intertwined with mine

when

I try to go to sleep

I often see your face

and taste you on my lips

Deep inside I feel you

turning me wild

And your breath still lingers

here, there, everywhere

where we were and have been

There's an empty space, in my bed

where you used to be

where every night I felt your arms

the warmth of your body was felt

from Summer to Winter and back

still, your breath lingers

here, there, everywhere

where we were and have been

In my mind you will always be

even if afar

even if in the depths of the universe

even if somewhere in heaven

you will always be, part of me

And still you linger on me now

here, there, everywhere

where we were and have been

My love for you will remain

now in a different way, but still there
tucked away in my memory album

in that tune we used to sing

in that picture of us together

in the love we shared

you still linger on me now

even if from afar

here, there, and everywhere
always in my heart

and

hidden in my soul

Going on

we live day after day
we wake up every morning
we see the sun, the clouds
we live yet again another day
yet, life is still the same
nothing has changed except the weather,
the colours of the leaves
and the sky is grey
mother earth cries now and then, if not every day
but I remain the same
yet different every day
i see myself in the mirror
and asked myself who am I?
where am I going?
when will I get there?
You have come back to me again and again
yet you never stayed
I have learnt a lot from you
like a teacher you have taught me
that although life is hard
IT most go on
because after all you are still alive

Mom's Tears

It is always sad

to let your children go

You have them, raised them good

or as good as you could

They grow and they go

You are left with tears in your eyes

an ache in your heart

and an empty space in your soul

But sure that you did the best you could

You take them to school

with tears in your eyes

You take them to the airport

and more tears roll down

And sometimes you take them to their funeral

and a cascade of water runs into a hurtful ocean

Tears of loss, pain, sadness, and hurt flow out

But even when it hurts you move on

and carry the pain in you

forever hidden in the depths of your soul

I too have suffered

I too have suffered
the loss of a loving man
the loss of my precious joy in life
I too have suffered
two lives terminated
so innocently and so tragic
the story of our lives
that ended way to soon
I too have suffered
My little baby P is gone
my loving partner Jean Michel too
they live with me every day
and every night
their images remain in my mind
and in my dreams
I too have suffered
I see his smile every day
and hear the strong heartbeat
I imagine the smile I could have seen
that is now gone
it has been gone for a while
So do not think I know
nothing
about pain
because
I too have suffered
I've endured rejection
after rejection more than I could possibly
want, but I keep on going
because there is no turning back
I too have suffered
I have been discarded and unwanted
like a piece of trash
I thrive and strive everyday
to be a better person
and be the best that I can be
and
I too have suffered
but I give relentlessly and without conditions
I give with no reservations
I love entirely no matter who or what
or when
I live because I am here
and my joys aren't
I choose to live everyday
for those who are still here
I too have suffered
but give tribute to the fallen
Little P & Jean Michel
everyday I pray for you
because you live with me
and will continue living with me
tucked away in the core of my heart
in the depths of my being
enthralled in my soul
I too have suffered
At times life is unbearable knowing
that you will not come back
at times it feels
like an ocean of emptiness
but then I remember
that I am
not alone
even though
I too have suffered

The End

How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
I am grateful for those words
but emptiness remains
deep in my heart you stabbed me
with a dagger
so deep that my heart bleeds
every time I breath
My lungs intoxicated with your love
that one you refuse to give me
or do not want to get
why? I ask myself
it would not be the first time
that I hear beautiful and hurtful words
all encompassed in one sentence
You want me in your life
but at a distance where you feel comfortable
every time, you have come back to me
time after time, again and again
we make love, we laugh, we share intimate moments
we talk, we love one another
but only one of us means it
and feels it
Is it you or me?
How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
You tell me beautiful words
and love them all, but what
is at the end of that tunnel
nothing, nobody waiting for me
while you have your whole life
waiting ahead
You say you love me but don't really
mean it
you care for me, and I can see it
but you deny it to yourself and I
I have loved you for the longest time
but it is time to stop
so this is the end

Pretender

Here you are again
making promises
pretending that life is great
when it is not
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
but not my liking at all
you can play charades all you want
but do not pretend to care
when you don't
it is so easy to see
you are as transparent like the air
everyone can see through and beyond
you can escape but you can hide
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
you are a pretender
you want to be grand but you can't
you want to be swift but you're rough
you want to be smooth but are rude
you want to love but it just slides by
your words are meaningless most of the time
be careful where you step-in
there could be a landmine
a landmine planted by you
which you will never recognize
if it hit you in the face
stop pretending and live life
because once you get out
there will no one waiting
behind
and stop pretending that you care
when you don't even give
a dam

One

Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon he could not see anything
only blurred images came
and went
his balance was a bit off
but he took the key anyway,
he drove home intoxicate
veer here and there
off the road at times
the key still in his hand
the wheel rolling left to right
right to left and center
nothing could stopped him
there was no reasoning
in his inebriated brain
his thoughts were submerged
deep down at the bottom
in the dark were the sharks swim
and no stars shine.
At times he disappeared
hours, days, weeks
but he was always found
in the garbage dump
on a street corner,
in someone's house
but he always came back.
He was a drunk
once, twice, three times
even more
but he was a good man
even when his thoughts
were not clear and his
speech was a slur
Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon the bottle was empty
so was his life
he was a drunk
who thought he could only
take one
but we knew otherwise