Scared

I know the possibilities are endless
it is an unknown and infinite number
there are millions of words I could say
but somehow I am scared to say them all
I would like to open my heart and let it fly
let it really take off and soar around the world
I want to let it get out of this cage that has remained
but the key has been put in a dark place
it is easy to find but hard to reach
it has been lock within another key
that only freedom will be able to release
Are you scared?
I am too of the millions of thoughts that go through my head,
the million of feelings and butterflies that fly within me
I am so scared, I want this to be a dream, a nightmare even
nothing could be worse
but to awaken and see the reality of this beast?
it could be the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end
The more time I spend with you, it scares me
because my feelings change every time I see you
it is so much fun to spend time with you
listening to your stories, seeing you smile and laugh
I am scared of all these feelings inside
I want to be free with you
but I am scared and perhaps you are too
There are some words I would like to say
but not just yet till I am sure
words that you might like to hear or not
I am totally scared just thinking about these words
and even more scared to know what you think

we hoped

we saw the clouds together along the water
we explore the greenery
enjoyed the sun along the way
laughed, talked about past and potential loves
we hinted subtleties to each other and hoped
i explored in your sentences what you thought
you explored with hinted questions my thoughts
and we hoped
we were honest or as honest as we could be
in your arms i slept, it felt good, i felt so safe
you smelt and caressed my hair and held me so close
it felt so natural and i loved it all
deep inside I know that you and i still hoped
all was good and i loved it all

things I never say

There are things I think about but never say
when I see you a millions thoughts come to mind
but I cannot say to you what they are
for I do not know you well to tell them
I look into your eyes and I see mystery
then I look to your lips and I see your smile
it makes me smile but I feel desire too
a desire to kiss your soft and delicate lips
I like your hair too, it is nice and soft
it seems to be at least from where I can see
I wish to run my fingers through it
while you close your eyes enjoying with pleasure
you are witty too and I like that
because I am witty and can relate
it is fun to think about joking together
laughing about each other and the rest of our friends
making them laugh and waiting for a good come-back
you voice is so soft but manly at the same time
it gives me goosebumps even when I only hear it for a second
and I wish I could hear more and closer to my ear
ah, I don't see that happening any time soon but who knows
there are the things that I think but never say
the things I think about you even in my dreams
I wish you were with me but alas you are not
but in my dreams you are
one day perhaps, I will say the things I never say

love me all summer long

I think and dream of you
of your warm arms around me
holding me tight all the time
even when I am alone.
I see you through my window at times
and you are so close I can almost touch you
yet I can't
I feel you so near yet far and invisible
You hide during cloudy days
and stay in when the rain pours down
and without thought disappear without even saying good-bye
You come in and out of my life at your own leisure
leaving me with a broken heart and a big desire
I want you every day like there is not tomorrow
yet, if you really could you would visit me everyday
I want you to touch my body from head to toe
caress me with your delicate fingers
and satiate my wants and desires
and love me all Summer long

Italia

I have dreamt of you for a long time
I have seen your in pictures
and I long for you, you have captivated my heart
even when I don't know you.
I dream of walking under the rain
on the cobble streets, searching, touching
smelling your scents, looking into your heart
knowing you deep within.
Your churches with their high peaks and golden starts
like two and a million eyes
they have shone away day after day, year after year,
millennium after millennium and you continue on living.
Your green and sometimes snowy peaks drive me crazy
I would like to climb on your walls, touch you and feel you
I would like to walk on your narrow streets taking me through labyrinths
unknown secrets you hide underneath your wonderful beauty
your people live today and forget about tomorrow.
I can see your lining Tower of Pisa
I wonder if I would fall if I climb up on it
then I see a chapel here and chapel there
but then I see the Vatican and strikes me deeply
I am in awe of this beauty that has been hiding underneath.
I see your plazas, your cafes, your beautiful women and handsome men.
When in Rome I was told once visit the Coliseum
take in its splendor if you are lucky to see it,
open your heart and fall in love with her.
Extend your hands and caress her if she lets you
live it, feel her in your heart, love her with passion.
I have dream to see Venice, Milan, Naples, Sardinia and Corsica
your little girls and jewels that shine without outshining you.
Italia,
I long for you, I want to be with you
let me love you, let me taste your pizza
even if it's only in my dreams.

Sleepless

I sleep while walking
it seems absurd but it is real
I sit here typing these words
I type to find a relief to my awakeness
I toss, turn,pace, think, read and nothing
I walk on the balcony, enjoy the breeze night
it is dark outside and all the windows are dark but mine
it feels as if my head will explode but it doesn't
it is just a transient phase, I try to convince myself
seven days, and countless hours without sleep
Is it possible to be a zombie while being awake?
Is it real? I ask because it does not feel real
I feel lighter, my head feels lighter, my feet when I walk feel lighter
I walk amongst you without being there but there
I hear voices in the distance and I know they are talking to me
I hear a sound coming from there, here, over there without really hearing anything
I feel my body which is not really in me
the clouds fly and I feel floating amongst them
the wind carries me home, pushing me ever so softly
guiding me through the streets and avenues I walk on
I am sleepless
I cannot say why I am sleepless because I do not know
it already is tomorrow and I am still awake
lost in my own confusion, lost in the dark, lost in the light
I hear myself talking to people and I see them laughing
but I do not hear my own laugh even though I can hear myself talking
did I respond to any of their questions and what did they ask?
Did I say something funny? I might have but I'm not quite sure
I feel lost
I am sleepless
my eyes cry with tiredness
my head hurts, my body feels weak
Is sleepless a transient visitor in my life?
who knows, but does anyone know really?
sleepless without a reason perhaps?
Why? so many questions to ask and no answers I hear
I only hear silence in the abyss of the night
I have fallen into a chasm and I cannot get out
I am tired
my head hurts, my body feels weak
I think without thinking and live without really living
I walk the streets and avenues in the city, it all seems surreal
I am sleepless
my eyes cry with tiredness
my body is weak and my mind is weaker
I pray to the heavens above, I hope someone is listening
Is anyone actually listening if at all?
Sleepless I will remain till someone awakens me
I am sleepless without a reason or maybe not

Here to stay

She came to my life a few weeks ago
even though I did not want her she stayed
she stayed for a long time and would not leave me
I felt trapped, sicken even.
Everyday was a new adventure
a pain here, there, and sometimes everywhere
she was cruel and even when I fought her
she fought back and won.
She came stronger than ever, I really underestimated her
she kept me awake for nights on end
so I walked asleep for one day, then another, and another
I was fighting her with all my might, nonetheless, she stayed.
One night while laying in the darkness, I begged her to leave me
but she was persistant and did not go
she stayed like an uninvited guest, as she was
living happily off of me, draining all my assets, even my strength
she was living as if nothing was going on, day after day
but one day, I felt determined to get her out of my life
she had come not only uninvited but to stay
I had done everything right, nurtured her the right foods
gave her water to satisfy her thirst
when she needed me I was there, mind, body, and soul,
I was at her mercy, and then, the coughs began
day and night, attacks that made me hurt so deep inside
they came like burst of fire crackers spitted on the ground
they made me winced, and she was there to witnessed it all
And she did, and stayed.
Then, I went to see the doctor and my solely companion came too,
this time, I had invited her for an outing on a sunny but cold day
I complaint to the doctor and she listened,
I did not think she was listening at all
she listened to my chest, asked me to breath in and out
so I did in and out again and again,
"one more time" the doctor said, "just to be sure"
inhaled, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale
I was feeling dizzy now after huffing and puffing
I told the doctor: "I thought I was losing my mind"
"fear not" she said, yeah easy for her to say
She looked at me as if I were crazy, and she asked
"Is your voice always this low?",
"nope" I said, "I had it since she came to live with me"
"I see" she replied and continue to write on her note pad
What was she writing?
Was she writing every little detailed I was giving her?
Was she writing a lot just to make me feel better?
Or to appeared as she was really enthralled in my story?
she kept looking at me and I at her,
there it was, that uncomfortable silence
And just when I was about to ask her what was wrong she said:
"Yep it is bronchitis and she's here to stay".

Leaving

I am leaving all that I have come to know in the past six years of my life
a wonderful group of people that have become great friends and family
I am leaving mainly because I miss my own family, but also because I am disappointed
disappointed of all the atrocities that happened around me in such a rich country.
Yes, look around you and you will find sadness in a corner when someone is shooting drugs into their system,
I see around me and see a homeless person lying on the street under dirty and crumple newspapers,
I cannot even start to comprehend how this people got here but I know how they got there,
because I was once in the brink of homelessness but found tremendous hearts that helped me along the way.
I turn another corner and see children being mistreated by their parents, and I cannot do anything
I have done something in the past just to find reproach and the authorities telling me these people were disciplining their kids.
I cannot understand why grown-ups prey on the youngsters that trust them
The grown-ups that we admired and were taught to respect
I know what these children are going through, so I am leaving
Although I am leaving behind a bunch of flowers that have only cheered me all this time.
I am tired of hearing the government spending our tax money and us not able to do anything about it
If we say anything it falls in deaf ears and the government does not care, because they are in power
I wondered if the people who put them there are happy with their choice? I really wonder!!
I am leaving a paradise of mountains and sea all around me
where the sun barely shines and the rain pours down for a long time
drenching me to the bone leaving me only wishing to stay inside,
I love this place but cannot stand it anymore.
I listened to the radio ads praising the good job of the government
they say "good government" has helped us through tough times,
What?! Hm, tough times we are dealing with right now and someone is spending ten billion building some village,
That in the end we will all have to pay for.
I am leaving because I am tired of missing my family and the sun shining on me every single day
The sun shining on me from January to December while the snow blows on my face at freezing temperatures.
I am leaving with a heavy heart because I leave the people who have loved me for a long time
I am leaving behind my best friend who I adore and care for with a big chunk of my heart
I am leaving great friendships cultivated with care and love.
I am leaving because I do not trust the system anymore,
I am hurt by the lack of interest the authorities showed when I was robbed of many things,
But I am only one, how many more are out there? I would like to know.
I have seen death, corruption, war, blood, sadness, and felt all that
But have never seen anything like I have seen here. Where am I? I wonder at time.
Why do people fight? Why is there war? Why are people at the top the greediest of them all?
Why can all of us live peacefully without hating one another?
Why can we all share communally all our resources?
Why do we people resent the rich? Is it their fault for having worked hard? Those who earn every single penny honestly
I wonder where hatred came from and how it has gotten ingrained in someone's brain?
Where did people got the idea that one group is superior than other?
I wish I could leave all this behind, I wish we could start all over again and live in peace
I wish everyone would be happy just to wake up and see another day
Life is very simple why have we complicated more than necessary
I am leaving, even though I love you

Don't want to go Home

I don't want to go home
where is empty and cold
Where there are no voices
where no one talks, not even me.
Home it is warm place to be but not for me
it is silent, it is dark, it is lonely
it is a place to rest, eat and get clean
it is a roof over my head from the rain
I don't want to go home
where there are no souls to speak to
no one to complaint to
nobody to love or make love to.
Home it is warm place to be but not for me
it is silent, it is dark, it is lonely
it is a place to rest, eat and get clean
it is a roof over my head from the rain
There is a box in the living room
it speaks only to itself and makes me laugh at times
but it does not give me warmth
it only shows me faces, figures, and colours.
There is a music box too that comes on every morning
I like listening to music it makes me happy
but not as happy as I wish I could be
it gives me something to sing about but not to really sing.
I putter at work for as long as I can
so I do not go home too soon or early
where there is nobody waiting
where there is no one to complaint to.
Home it is warm place to be but not for me
it is silent, it is dark, it is lonely
it is a place to rest, eat and get clean
it is a roof over my head from the rain.
I do not want to go home
where is empty and lonely
where no sound can be heard
where only one human lives
a human that talks or sees no one.
I do not want to go home!

Horizontal Line

I sit on the cold sand on any day
and I gaze at the horizon
what do I look for? Do I see anything?
What am I trying to find or see?
I look at the boats navigating towards the line
where the sun sets down under but where?
I see it disappear swiftly and slowly in the Summer
in the Winter is there but I cannot see it
I actually wonder if it is there, do you know?
It is so dark when the sun sets that it is hard to know
However, whether it is there or not one question remains
What do I look for when I look at the horizontal line?
which seems to be there, there far at the end of the ocean
I do not see anything but I imagine many things
I imagine the boats going down as if going down a waterfall
falling rapidly along the fast and furious running water
but then I imagine the boats going down smoothly and softly
as if being push by the soft current of a lake where peace resides.
Then I know that I have never been on a boat that far out to the line
so I do not really know what is there but there is something
but perhaps once I was at some other line and nothing seemed
to changed we continue navigating in a straight line
never going down or felt like it only straight but how?
I do not know but I will keep wondering just as I have all this time.
And you?